Well, I've noticed Charlie losing his tempter lately over little stuff. I understand he's stressed. But this feels so much like my life before. He would 'woo me' until I let him back into my life, then slowly things would start back to 'normal'.
Step 1 - Seeing his jaw clench and that 'look' in his eye when getting frustrated
Step 2 - Acting out - like throwing things ie fork, tool, etc. when frustrated
Step 3 - Cursing and throwing things
Step 4 - Being rude and abusive to Customer Care people - like cashiers, etc.
These 4 steps have already occured frequently.... sigh
Here's what's to come:
Step 5 - Yelling at ME and making me feel stupid, etc.
Step 6 - Throwing things AT me or raising his fist to me and cursing me out.
After these 'steps' - my role is to go into quiet mode and not speak to him, but only tolerate him because if I speak, it makes it worse. Then he begins the woo-ing, then it starts all over again.
The number one fear I had of taking him back was that it was going to be the same old same old. Now, I know it's true. Satan won!! He convinced me it would be 'different' this time. It's not. And again, I am the FOOL that I always knew that I was. I'm a BIG fat fool!!
Charlie is probably laughing about it, too. Yep - he's still got it - the MAN that he is.
Eventually, I'll end my life or Charlie will take it from me.
FUCK IT!!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
LOOK AT ME NOW!
On February 3, I gave Charlie the best gift I could give. Myself. We left on a two week vacation to North Carolina and Washington DC. We stayed in a cabin in the Smoky Mountains that Mom owns. It was an amazing trip and a wonderful start to the best 5 months of my life ever!
There are still times that I am down, unmotivated, anxious, and sad. But mostly, I'm a whole new person. :) Charlie was laid off from December until the middle of June. I cried when he left for work. I was going to miss him. Could you ever have thunk in your wildest dreams I would say that?? Well, me neither!
Kenton and Wendy have jobs here in Michigan - Praise the Lord! And they are living here for the time being while looking for a new place of their own. I'm sure they're very anxious to get their own place.
Kenton has been here for 6 weeks and Wendy for 4 so far. I think they are having a great time hanging with Dallas and Colleen and Allie. Tomorrow, we're all going to drive up to Joe and Mary's to hang with them and see their awesome new paint job on their house. I just KNOW it's going to be a good day!
I have lost 11 pounds so far. 59 pounds to go!! It's a start. A good start...
I love my life with Charlie right now. I just wish our life with D & family was better. I'll catch up soon, my confused little squirrel. Bye for now.
There are still times that I am down, unmotivated, anxious, and sad. But mostly, I'm a whole new person. :) Charlie was laid off from December until the middle of June. I cried when he left for work. I was going to miss him. Could you ever have thunk in your wildest dreams I would say that?? Well, me neither!
Kenton and Wendy have jobs here in Michigan - Praise the Lord! And they are living here for the time being while looking for a new place of their own. I'm sure they're very anxious to get their own place.
Kenton has been here for 6 weeks and Wendy for 4 so far. I think they are having a great time hanging with Dallas and Colleen and Allie. Tomorrow, we're all going to drive up to Joe and Mary's to hang with them and see their awesome new paint job on their house. I just KNOW it's going to be a good day!
I have lost 11 pounds so far. 59 pounds to go!! It's a start. A good start...
I love my life with Charlie right now. I just wish our life with D & family was better. I'll catch up soon, my confused little squirrel. Bye for now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)